and she's back ...

hello all.

sorry for the lack of posting for the last 3 months. honestly speaking, nothing of real interest has happened to me since the last post. well, i turned 25. probably the reason why i'm back. 25 isn't all it's cracked up to be. i experienced a genuine panic attack for the first time since college and it wasn't pretty. i guess my quarter-life crisis came right on schedule. constant feelings of dread, regret, uncertainty, and ennui have been plaguing me. i'm just not myself right now.

i'd just like to say thanks to all of those people that made my birthday bearable this year. your words of love and encouragement are what keep me smiling and sane. i'm so thankful to have all of you part of my life. honestly, i don't know what i'd do without you guys.

anyway ...

so ... i guess the big 2-5. my first post as a 25 year old, mature adult. maybe a list of goals or something is in order. how about a little bit of what's been on my mind lately.

i'm trying to make myself better again. i want to go back to being the person i used to be. the genuinely happy person that didn't have to keep a fake smile plastered on her face at all times. i want to go back to being the person who loved life. the person who had goals, ambitions, and purpose. i realize my current lifestyle isn't conducive to me attaining any of this. i'm trying. i'm going to start with all the things that used to bring me joy.

run
love
live
laugh
read
eat
sleep
volunteer
reflect
travel
explore
adventure
spontaneity
human connection

i'm sure there's more that should be on this list. this will do for now. it's a good starting point.

i'm tired of being sad. i have so many blessings in my life. so many things i should be thankful for. i think i need to just remind myself of all these things anytime i'm feeling down.

thanks again for the constant support.

i love and miss you all.