fat girl

ryan keeps telling me i have to write more about the issues, my issues ...

i've always known that korean people were very apt to being incredibly blunt, borderline rude, and just plain inconsiderate when it comes to personal appearance. afterall, i did grow up with a korean mother/father and a ton of korean relatives. these people are incredibly tactless and will say exactly what they think of how you look, regardless of your feelings. i've grown up my entire life hearing "you've gained some weight", "are you sure you should be eating that?", "now you're just too thin," "you would look so much better with eyelid surgery", and the list goes on. i'm sorry, but when i see you for the first time in 4 years i don't want the first thing i hear out of your mouth to be what procedures i can have done to make myself prettier in your (or any other koreans') eyes. where am i going with this you ask? well ... i did not realize just how terrible these people were until today. (mind you i'm not saying this is the entire korean population. however, i would say that it might be a majority of them!)

i've never had any serious issues with my personal appearance before stepping foot in this country. i admit there are times when i have my off days and i feel fat or ugly, but, i've always been somewhat satisfied with the cards i've been dealt in the appearance category. i think i'm of average weight and that i look healthy and normal. apparently (according to one coworker) that is not the case.

i was enjoying an afternoon snack with a few coworkers today and the topic of weight was brought into the conversation. someone had nonchalantly said to me, "karen, aren't you jealous that this supervisor (we'll call him A) can eat all of these chips and cookies and not gain any weight?" he didn't mean any harm by this statement. he was just saying this because we always joke that eating all this crap is going to make me huge. so my response to this statement was that no matter how much i ate it always seemed like i never got much larger than my current size. i said it in a somewhat proud tone considering i eat complete shit and am not severely overweight. this is when A (in a very serious manner) says "you shouldn't be proud of that, you're not thin. you're actually borderline fat. look at your broad shoulders." yes, he actually said that to my face. and no, it was not the way one of my friends would say it to me. he was being completely serious. i didn't even know how to respond to this statement. i just fumbled around for something clever to say and only got out "well, i can't help my shoulders, it's my bone structure." he then went on to compare me to the girl (who i love by the way) that sits behind me. he went on to mention how she was thin and that i should try to be more like her. mind you this girl eats a real meal maybe a total of 4 times a week. she literally drinks milk + powder for lunch and dinner. he then proceeded to eat my snacks and walk back to his seat. there was no apology, there was no remorse.

i was completely infuriated with him but was not able to show how i really felt considering he was my "superior" at work and in age. am i the only sane person in this country? am i the only person that thinks this behavior is appalling? i don't understand what is wrong with these people. no wonder everyone feels the need to get plastic surgery here. i can't stand this bullshit. i'm not looking for people to comment with compliments (already got the boost i needed earlier today =)). i just felt the need to rant. this has been something that has bothered me about korea since day one. everyone that doesn't fit this country's image of beautiful is running around, insecure, chopping off parts of their face, starving themself, and just plain unhappy. i usually don't let things like this get to me but it's really hard when it's constantly happening.

well, that's my rant. i don't even really know how to end this and i don't want to end on a bad note so ... i found this image and i really liked it. that is all.