thought party up in my head

i'm young.

i have time.

i need to chill the fuck out.

i know. i know. i know!

i agree wholeheartedly.

i've been making a valiant (at least what i believe to be valiant) effort to relax, kick back, and just take everything day by day. however, i can't help but feel this certain amount of anxiety. i need to get my ducks in row! or is it line? who knows. i don't like ducks. they're loud, annoying, and they freak me out.

excuse me, i digress ...

anyway ...

it's probably not helping that we're already halfway through 2011 and i still have yet to plan my next move. questions looming ...

where do i move?

when do i move?

where should i go in january?

when am i going to visit london?

should i just stay in korea till after stephany gets married?

why the hell is everyone getting married in 2012?

will i ever get married?

do i really come off as emotionless to everyone?

can i really run that half marathon in june?

what's the big plan?

will i ever finish my portfolio?

do i even want to work on my portfolio?

do i even want to stay in architecture?

do i want to be underpaid and overworked forever?

is it time for a career change?

can i hack it in fashion?

do i want to start all over again?!

does that mean i have to move to new york city?

do i want to live in a tiny cramped apartment with a roommate i'll inevitably hate?

when am i going to have the time to travel the world if i'm starting all over again?!

what's the right thing to do?

just a sampling of the questions hanging out and causing a ruckus up in my brain. they haunt my dreams ... not really. but that's quite a lot to think about. maybe it's time to actually start answering some of them.

don't worry. this isn't me taking a dive into the dark lake of depression. i'm just trying to figure things out. what really makes me happy? after all, that's what i, what everybody, wants in the end. right?

to just be happy. =)

and she's back ...

hello all.

sorry for the lack of posting for the last 3 months. honestly speaking, nothing of real interest has happened to me since the last post. well, i turned 25. probably the reason why i'm back. 25 isn't all it's cracked up to be. i experienced a genuine panic attack for the first time since college and it wasn't pretty. i guess my quarter-life crisis came right on schedule. constant feelings of dread, regret, uncertainty, and ennui have been plaguing me. i'm just not myself right now.

i'd just like to say thanks to all of those people that made my birthday bearable this year. your words of love and encouragement are what keep me smiling and sane. i'm so thankful to have all of you part of my life. honestly, i don't know what i'd do without you guys.

anyway ...

so ... i guess the big 2-5. my first post as a 25 year old, mature adult. maybe a list of goals or something is in order. how about a little bit of what's been on my mind lately.

i'm trying to make myself better again. i want to go back to being the person i used to be. the genuinely happy person that didn't have to keep a fake smile plastered on her face at all times. i want to go back to being the person who loved life. the person who had goals, ambitions, and purpose. i realize my current lifestyle isn't conducive to me attaining any of this. i'm trying. i'm going to start with all the things that used to bring me joy.

run
love
live
laugh
read
eat
sleep
volunteer
reflect
travel
explore
adventure
spontaneity
human connection

i'm sure there's more that should be on this list. this will do for now. it's a good starting point.

i'm tired of being sad. i have so many blessings in my life. so many things i should be thankful for. i think i need to just remind myself of all these things anytime i'm feeling down.

thanks again for the constant support.

i love and miss you all.

bollocks to adulthood!

hi all.

long time no see.

it's a beautiful saturday afternoon in seoul. it's sunny and warm and it looks like everyone is out enjoying the weather. well, everyone but yours truly. i am currently sitting at my desk, in front of my computer, in my office, and NOT out and about trying to fool myself that it is warm enough to sit outside of my favorite cafe and people watch. i should also mention that one day this week i was at the office till 3am and another night i didn't go home till 8am the next morning. it's just like college but without all your awesome friends to keep you company! what fun! oh adulthood, you suck. a lot. pay attention kiddies, it's not all fun and games, designer shoes, and trips to exotic lands you thought it would be. sad, but true. however, all this hard work is what provides you the resources necessary to fund your trips to fun and exotic places (should you ever get enough vacation days to go). a prime example would be my recent trip to singapore/indonesia!

yes folks, you read right. i ended up going to singapore and indonesia instead of singapore and vietnam. funny story. americans need a visa to get in to the awesomeness that is vietnam. yup, not really a funny story but a story nonetheless. apparently koreans don't need one but americans do. that's where i got confused. i kept telling everyone in korea i was going to vietnam and no one, NO ONE!!!, mentioned that i might need a visa. so, i didn't realize i needed one until i got to singapore and my cousin asked me if i got my visa to get in to vietnam. say what????? uhhhh no ... i had not. i tried to get one last minute but since it was chinese new year the embassy decided it'd take a little holiday for the ENTIRE WEEK!!! those lazy bastards! we only get 1 day off for our stupid new years! apparently asians are not the unrelenting, super-efficient, workaholic robots we thought they were. lame balls.

however, my trip was still awesome. also, korean airlines is awesome. seriously. i've decided that, if given the choice, i will fly the majority of my flights on korean airlines. of course, this is when funds are available. sadly, korean airlines ticket prices match the quality of their impeccable service. it's freaking expensive!!!! however, they were able to reroute my return flight from vietnam-seoul to singapore-seoul free of fees. i only had to pay the $60 dollar ticket fare difference. one word. AWESOME. especially since when i called expedia to inquire about the same thing they said it would be impossible considering i was mid-trip. idiots. bollocks to expedia.com!!

anyway ...

it's almost dinner time and it looks like i actually have some work to do. update on my singapore trip with pictures (yay!) coming soon.

restless

just booked my trip to singapore and ho chi minh city, vietnam to visit my cousin, joanie. i leave in a week! it looks like a week break from the frigid cold. i hear it's hot and humid down where i'm headed! yay! updates with pics and stories when i get back!