thought party up in my head

i'm young.

i have time.

i need to chill the fuck out.

i know. i know. i know!

i agree wholeheartedly.

i've been making a valiant (at least what i believe to be valiant) effort to relax, kick back, and just take everything day by day. however, i can't help but feel this certain amount of anxiety. i need to get my ducks in row! or is it line? who knows. i don't like ducks. they're loud, annoying, and they freak me out.

excuse me, i digress ...

anyway ...

it's probably not helping that we're already halfway through 2011 and i still have yet to plan my next move. questions looming ...

where do i move?

when do i move?

where should i go in january?

when am i going to visit london?

should i just stay in korea till after stephany gets married?

why the hell is everyone getting married in 2012?

will i ever get married?

do i really come off as emotionless to everyone?

can i really run that half marathon in june?

what's the big plan?

will i ever finish my portfolio?

do i even want to work on my portfolio?

do i even want to stay in architecture?

do i want to be underpaid and overworked forever?

is it time for a career change?

can i hack it in fashion?

do i want to start all over again?!

does that mean i have to move to new york city?

do i want to live in a tiny cramped apartment with a roommate i'll inevitably hate?

when am i going to have the time to travel the world if i'm starting all over again?!

what's the right thing to do?

just a sampling of the questions hanging out and causing a ruckus up in my brain. they haunt my dreams ... not really. but that's quite a lot to think about. maybe it's time to actually start answering some of them.

don't worry. this isn't me taking a dive into the dark lake of depression. i'm just trying to figure things out. what really makes me happy? after all, that's what i, what everybody, wants in the end. right?

to just be happy. =)

she looks like she would be emotionally unstable

hey

sometimes if you're up for it

that's fun

it's all up to you

whether or not you're willing to go on a lil adventure or not

if you have nothing better than try it

yeah i think what it requires the most of

is you gotta know where and when you are

if this is the proper context

if this is a good time for you to deal with this

that's my thing right now

although i wish i could just forest gump things

but i'm still too serious at times

the fact that a lot of us just have these wants…

have these understandings of what the other person should be

but the funny thing is

rarely do we know who we are

or ever do we spend the time

to figure out what is going on with us

but that's the thing

to understand that because you're capable of change

because you're capable of being someone else altogether

this means that any one person can be something/someone different

the only thing is

what's the catalyst that'll do this ?

if it's something internally or if it's something externally that sparks this

for those that spark externally

they live a shallow life not investigating or getting to know anything

whereas those who internally drive to change themselves for themselves

the ones that are self scrutinizing and demanding more of themselves

they are the ones that i think will make that journey worthwhile

you should live your life

with the excitement of the next day

you should live your life in a way that you're invigorated

and sure you'll have lows

really low lows too

but something inside you must be there to fight all that

and just make you want more of yourself

and demand more of yourself

------------------------------------------------------------------------

sorry if it seems a little scattered. i wanted to omit whatever i contributed to the conversation. i wanted it to be just him. he's my living, breathing, real-life self help book.

is it just me or does anyone else feel like all the good, real conversations only happen in the middle of the night?